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What I Couldn’t Learn In School

I didn’t have the typical college experience. I didn’t get to live in a dorm, party, or make new friends. But I’m not bitter about it. I attended the city college in my town. I began working for my mother at her group home. The city college was basically a bigger version of my high school. People hung around that didn’t even go there. After the first three weeks students would just disappear. I felt so ready and scared when I first began school and I really thought I had it figured out. But of course, I didn’t and like many others I struggled because I just didn’t know what I was doing there. I hated it. I never wanted to go and I just felt like it was a waste of time. So I dropped out. Through the years this has been a pattern of mines. And I created a lot of debt because of it. I blame myself for that. I rushed it. I couldn’t figure it out fast enough. There were so many things I wanted to be! A writer, a fashion designer, blogger, business owner, so many things. And I couldn’t figure out what major would help me be able to do these things without restricting me to one job. I just started feeling empty, like maybe I was aiming too high. I would tell myself ,just be a teacher, or a nurse, at least you’ll have a job. Then I realized that there is no reason I can’t be and do whatever the fuck I want. There are too many ways to build a career, a brand, a whole ass business around YOU. I refuse to spend my life frantically trying to catch up for lost time, having regrets. I realized I rather struggle doing what makes me happy then barely get by,by doing what makes me fucking miserable. I didn’t give myself the chance to explore other options. So, I kept starting over and making the same mistakes. Now I’m trying something different. So many people leave their jobs and start new careers. So many people wish they would’ve done this or that. I was miserable in school. I honestly hated it. I wanted to own a business, write, travel, and have time to myself. No one was teaching me how to do that. They were teaching me how to be an employee. This is not a school is evil, fuck the system kind of post. This is my experience. This is why I don’t see myself going back to college anytime soon. Maybe later in life, but for now, it isn’t an option. If you don’t see it being beneficial for you then that’s ok. Don’t feel pressured. Don’t lose yourself in the “American Dream”. That dream has changed. Our generation has gotten creative. There is a path for you trust me.

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More Than Monogamy

Monogamy is not for everyone and that is ok. I feel we get into these relationships without being ready or we don’t know what we want so we end up hurting each other. We have the idea of the perfect man/women monogamist relationship when really, we might do better alone or in a completely different kind of dynamic. Folks get hurt when people enter a relationship without fully knowing what they want from said relationship. It is ok to have an honest talk about what you expect from each other. If monogamy is what you want. Then find a partner that makes it clear that’s what they want from the jump and you need to make those expectations known from the start as well. Once you make it known the type of relationship you are looking for, you need to stick to it. There is something literally for everyone. Know yourself. If you are not ready or you don’t like the idea of monogamy. Then don’t force it. If you are interested in being in an open relationship, then let it be known. Set boundaries that work for you both. BE SAFE and communicate. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be part of something “nontraditional”. What is important is that there is communication and understanding. You can have what you want without hurting someone. Know your wants and your needs and find someone that wants the same.

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Let’s Have Sex

No matter the age. No matter the partner . It is important to be smart when it comes to sex. There are many types of contraception and many ways to be responsible no matter your preference. Down below I have compiled a list of common contraceptives . I’ve included what they are,and how long they last/ how often they should be replaced. The explanations will be short and simple. I will briefly go over Consent, unprotected sex,and Sex and STDS. I urge you to do your own research and ask a doctor. This is just so you have an idea. I am NOT a doctor.

Birth Control. There are many types of birth control . But at the end of the day it’s all about what works best for you.

1.Implant

The birth control implant is a tiny rod that is inserted into your arm. It releases hormones to prevent pregnancy for up to 5 years .

2. IUD

A device that is inserted into your cervix that averts sperm. Can last up to 12 years and can be taken out at any time.

3. Depo Shot

This is a shot you get every three months. You must stay on top of it for it to remain effective .

4. Nuva Ring

Is inserted into the vagina.  Release hormones. Prevents sperm from getting to the egg. Should be replaced monthly.

5.Birth Control Patch

Usually worn on arm. Releases  hormones. Should be replaced weekly.

6.Birth Control Pill

You take this daily . 

7. Condoms

Protects you against pregnancy and STDs.

8. Female Condoms

Protects you against pregnancy and STDs.

Consent 

Consent is very important. Please be sure to have a conversation with your partner about what is expected and what is not. Remember NO MEANS NO. You and/or your partner are allowed to say no at anytime and you should respect that and act accordingly.

What to do when you have unprotected sex.

If you happen to be in a situation where the condom breaks ,slipped off,or you were just caught in the moment and are not on any kind of birth control,then you can go to the store and get Plan B over the counter. Plan B is a an emergency contraceptive that helps prevent pregnancy(not STDs or STIs) and should be taken within 72 hours. If you are a person that enjoys unprotected sex then it is important you are tested and that you ask your partner to be tested BEFORE you have sex. If your are sexually active you should get tested at least once a year.

Having sex with an STD/STI

If you happen to have a STD and choose to be sexually active. It is responsible and respectable to let your partner know . If  you have an STD that can simple be taken care of  by taking an antibiotic (most can be) the best thing you can do is wait until the STD has been cleared up . If you are  living with HIV/Aids or any similar STI . Speak with your doctor about what you can do to make sure you are and your partner are protected. And remember you are not alone. If there are any good support groups out there please list them in the comments.

Thank you guys for reading. If there’s any questions or comments you have about sex and relationships . Please comment below .

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/

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I Love Your Body

I love your body blog post

Loving your body doesn’t always start at the gym or in a doctor’s office. It starts with you and only you. Here are a few things I’ve learned to help me become more comfortable with my body and have helped me learn to love my body.These are things that worked for me. There is no guarantee that it will work for you but it doesn’t hurt to try.

Take A Picture

Simple, take a picture. Naked or in lingerie. Take a sexy picture and look at it. Really look at it . Notice all your stretch marks ,scars, weird hairs , pimples and know that it’s normal and it’s beautiful. If you happen to be going through a huge transformation. Take a picture. See how far you’ve come. Before and after pictures are a great motivation.

Eat Good

You eat better you feel better. When you feel sluggish and gross from eating junk it can affect the way you look at yourself. Get rid of it ! all of it. Only eat dirty in moderation.

Working Out

For the same reason why you should eat better you should also be working out. Working out also helps with anxiety, stress,and builds stamina. It’s not just for getting an awesome bod. It helps your mind too !

Stop Comparing Yourself to Other People

This is something I still sometimes struggle with. I know it’s hard. When your always on Instagram and you see everyone living their best life . You can’t help but think “why not me !”. Well slow your roll ,your time is coming. Everyone glows up at their own pace ! Trust me love, you’ll be stuntin on em soon enough.

Affirmations

Affirmations are sayings you repeat to your self out loud that encourage positivity and growth. You can find some on Pinterest ,Youtube,or Google.I suggest downloading the app Selfishbabe. It’s an amazing app and you get daily affirmations right on your phone !

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https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.lbef14ad4b08

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Girls Like Girls

This past year I have been more honest about my sexuality. Trying to embrace the side of me I was ashamed of. Trying to be part of a group who I have ignored. A group I hope would embrace me. I have never regretted anything, but lately I have been feeling like there are some parts of me I should keep to myself. Seems like no matter what, I am being judged. Being gay can seem like a dirty thing in most folk’s eye. Being bisexual disgusting. To some people i’m just confused or looking for attention. “You’re either gay or you’re not”. No… that isn’t true. I’m, me. I am attracted to both males and females. I’m proud to say im bisexual. I am not confused and I have spent years battling myself. I refuse to battle you. If I am in a relationship I am faithful to that person. I’m not trying to get attention. I love women! I am not a fantasy. I am a person. I love being bisexual and being part of the LGBTQ community, as a queer POC I feel it’s important to embrace all sides of me. And more importantly, for me to be able to do it openly. I don’t need anybody’s approval because at the end of the day im still bi… I’m still black… I’m still me. And for all my POCs going through the same. You are never alone.